im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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