i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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