I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
