I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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