Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
