yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
