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Can i not drive my cunt home
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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