then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
