Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
