U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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