the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
