We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she peed on how many people?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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