she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
