I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
