You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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