He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
