census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
