Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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