Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
