worst night to have a conscience
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
