I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
