to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
