His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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