What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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