ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
