you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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