I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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