I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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