Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
