and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
