its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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