You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
