i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
