brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
and she was petting her beer can
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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