well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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