No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't deserve a penis
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
