he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
