Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
