fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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