just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
