would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
