I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I party with great urgency now.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
