I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
