made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
