grandma shit on top of the toilet
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
