Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
