So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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