I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
