Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
