is wine microwaveable?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
