Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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