Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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