the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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