just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
