I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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