just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
