nut hugger
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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