Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
