I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
