i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Say something about gay babies.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
