Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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