Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
